i dreamt about you last night
how you tell me its your birthday
sneak into my brain
not my sight
we just drove like we used to
only drive stick shift
you’re never up to
anything new
remember kissing me? won’t let you forget
you loved it at first
but now
do you regret?
being away from you
is something
I’ll never be able
to do
white water raft
my favourite rocky ride
similar to waves
we crash at every wake
it’s fun though
(are you having fun yet?)
Blood across my knuckles and scars all up my legs
Strength shown in discourse
A clean soul is damaged more than you’d think
It won’t be until the day that I die
That you feel that freedom
That weight off your heart
Until then
I’ll keep you down
I always let you know that you could do it
I pushed you out of love
You resisted out of fear
We were meant to grow together
Talking about dreams we had,
Dreams I’m accomplishing without you now.
I’ve just been thinking that you can do better.
Everyone in your life hated me because I wanted better for you.
I know this is not what you wanted.
You can do better.
(Have you heard that lately?)
I’ll send you my heart in a box
A little tin one with some old logo on the front so no one will know.
It will be our secret. I will send you my entire heart first and then you will send yours in return.
Do you promise? It took a lot out of me to gather up the reminiscents of this muscle that used to control me.
I was really tied up. Making every decision based on a pulse can get you into trouble.
Is yours still intact? You can gorilla glue or use new memories to mend what’s left on the floor.
Please remember to return the favor. This tin box contains all I had left and I guess it’s yours now. Will I be left on your shelf? Hidden in your underwear drawer?
Let me be the lover you wanted me to be.
It’s okay if you’re not where you want to be
But it is not fair to take that out on me
I don’t care for your hostility
That’s clearly born from jealousy
I won’t slow down I won’t concede
I live on my own with no one to control me
Not my fault you dropped out while I get my degree
Maybe you should spend more thoughts on you
-Rather than me
You will never succeed
With all the hate you bleed
(that could never be me)
I can’t find my footing
I feel uneasy with your grip
Can I hold myself up better?
Forever mad at who I’ve been
Striving to over correct it
What do you aim for?
Is everything you say and feel temporary?
Or like me are you a to the grave type?
Will I ever know what is permeant to you?
Remember when you first loved me
And everything was new
Only thought about me and you
But now with you I feel so lonely
You never loved me after all
Just a combination of weed and alcohol
That’ll teach me not to fall
I saw myself in the rearview mirror in the uber and I realized I’m who I’ve always wanted to be
When I go to my hometown I’m reminded of the bottom from where I started, where you chose to decay
When I spend nights downtown on my balcony studying I know I’m where I’m meant to be, suffering has the biggest pay
I admit I’ve thought about killing myself frequently
(but I’ve thought about killing you far more)
And yeah, I’ll drink coffee all night
I’ll cry in my favourite café
But it’s comforting to know my pain is no longer embedded in you
My pain is what I create for myself
And you have no ownership over any feelings I create
No one does
(not even me)
I know you made a home in my heart
I feel you come and go every day
But don’t you worry I can take it from here
I’ll take your grasp on the steering wheel
Push you far yet keep you near
You’ll find me grinning ear to ear
Because I’m on a higher tier
Became one of your biggest fears
Once a love now a single burnt tear
It’s only downhill for you from here
I’ll watch you fall to your death
I’ll try not to smile
Bite my lips for a while
I’m too young to take myself out
You’ll never succeed
Tied down like a tree
Boiling water poured upon your roots
No more room for growth
You’re hitting a new low
I don’t have time to ask if you’re okay
My head is above the waves
My future is this path I pave
The older we get the clearer we see
You were never the one for me
Two broken souls completely lost at sea
You grabbed onto me
Made me weak
Made me bleed
But now I see
I’m better than can be
With your spirits underneath my feet