poetry

yearning (a note)

I’ve felt so many different types of yearnings for you 

 

When you dragged your fingers across my legs in her basement, fuck

I wanted you so badly 

 

Forever needing the truth from you, begging with blood in my eyes 

 

When you begged me in the forest to only be yours because you needed me more than the air in your lungs 

 

Now I just yearn for anything 

 

From you 

 

will i ever see my records (you) again?

You talked to me all Sunday 

You say you’ve been writing 

I say same 

 

(I wish you and I felt the same) 

 

Never at the right times 

Is there a time and place anymore? 

Did we just miss it? 

 

(I miss you) 

 

And let’s be honest you miss me too 

You never were one to talk 

But your actions were loud today

 

(See you soon) 

(just so you know my list could never be as long yours don’t you worry honey )

I’ve tried every  substance I can 

To make me feel 

Like you 

 

Human 

 

Maybe even alive

 

(I won’t stretch it, you’re not happy)

 

I felt as though I didn’t belong 

And now

 

I see myself as this monster

 

Taking down buildings as I used to when I was young

 

(rampage)

 

Taking names for myself

 

Every name that thought it was over 

 

(is anything really over? I believe in the afterlife)

 

 

 

you meaningless distraction of destruction

tick tock

i will be okay

cascading towers that stay lit at night

keep me company

feel alone in your abandoned suburb

i roam around the faceless crowd

losing my fear of desertion far

there is no reason for your arrival here

no one needs you here

no one craves you here

yet i welcome you inside

offering tea

before you throw it in my face

and leave like clockwork

tick tock

burnt eyelashes

drown myself

take me home

I thought I could fly so I jumped off the golden gates bridge  

Falling fast with shocked looks following me down from the over pass 

I believed I could breathe underwater and so I threw myself into the ocean  

I tried screaming but no one could hear through the water in my lungs  

Head constantly underwater  

Curios eyes staring at me from above the waves  

For now I’ll stay beneath the current 

The darkness of the ocean floor will take me back home  

don’t wanna stay true

losing who i am to you

I’ve always been there for you  

You’ve always left me in the dark  

A girl in a cave  

Lonely and stored away  

I’m not going to try  

If you won’t even see 

I did as much as I could  

But you’ll never need me