poetry

poly

you would like it everything I wrote was about you

and i guess I feel the same about you

 

I’d like to think that my lips are the only ones you think about kissing

 

But i don’t think the day will come,

the day you decide you only need one.

give me a new mentality

I feel like a barn in an abandoned field

They’re just waiting for me to collapse so they can rebuild

And Jake,
I rang that church bell on my way home but when you’re alone
it rings differently

 

Of all the people I chose to spend my time with I don’t think
I spent enough time with you

a classic skeptic

just tell me you need me

tell me that when you wake up in the morning you need your first breath to be stolen from my lips when you roll over in the morning and kiss me.

I need to believe you when you say you love me.

I need you told hold my hips so tight that when you breath those words onto my neck, I have no choice but to believe you.

Because you see darling

I’m skeptical because so many times before I’ve been told I’m loved

I’ve been told all those classic one lines

“i love you”

“forever and always”

“i could never be without you”

…yet I end up alone.

And darling even sleeping next to you feels empty lately because when your eyes close and I’m stuck awake all I can really believe are the whispers I hear around our bed frame, telling me you’ll be gone soon too.

And I guess I need to hear from you that the voices are wrong.

*poof*

I just want to cry a lot

truth or dare

 

i don’t know if you remember but

you used to love me so much

 

“Aren’t you tired?”

Well, of course I’m tired love but if I can’t teach my mind how to stay a float how am I to teach it to sleep?

The mind is a funny thing you know, it plays tricks on you, but no trick was as great as the one you performed on my heart. You enlarged it to it’s full potential

and then made it disappear

magic

 

enjoy where you are now

 

“Just enjoy where you are now

 

I know its hard but my dear you need to put the space between where you are and where you want to be encourage you and not keep you up at night

 

Because not only are there bags under your eyes but I can hear the desperation for power in your tone

 

In time you will be what you were meant to be

 

But please love

Sleep

 

And enjoy where you are now”

 

L.V

You’re Ever Gone

Said is dead

 

You said you loved me

I said I’d never let you down

But here we are

(maybe said really is dead)

 

There was this night in Edmonton that I felt so heavy without you I decided to smoke until my lungs were full with enough clouds to lift me from that balcony that we used to cry on together. After 3 joints I forgot my name, but I still remembered yours.

–

His fingers traced my right collar bone

Am I scared

Am I okay

 

I still feel you on that couch

And it’s been empty ever since

i don’t think you were losing the game of life

Tristan was problematic to our group from the very beginning. He was the rich kid with the newest iPod, always had the cool ‘zippo’ binders you could draw on, the huge mansion, all the perks in life that Jace and I could only dream of. But we were young kids when we met, you know, when money doesn’t really matter much.

Fuck, I don’t know if you remember this but I hope you do.

It was Jace’s 9th birthday party. We all went to his dad’s house and hung out in the basement all day while his dad told us crazy rock star stories from his old band days. I’m pretty sure Jace’s dad even showed us his belly button piercing that day, we were not impressed.  We ate a huge guitar cake that Jace’s mom had spent the day making. Anyways, I don’t remember at all what I bought Jace for his birthday, but I remember what you got him.

The Game of Life: Toy Story Edition.

I made that it’s own paragraph to let you all know the importance of this board game in our lives. We played that board game non-stop for a year and a lot happened that year. That board game got us through my first year at the Christian school, away from them and my other friends. That game got Jace through his parent’s divorce, which we all knew would not end well. And Tristan? That’s the thing about him; I don’t remember Tristan’s hurdles as a young kid like us. It was when we got older that his demons came to play.

So I hope you know that when I think of you I don’t think of you as the guy who hasn’t slept in weeks, smoking his 30th cigarette on my balcony, telling me he needs time on his own to think. I think of you as the guy who always helped everyone with their hurdles. Whether it was playing a stupid board game for the 50th time, or helping me with math homework that would give me panic attacks, or making Jace get on stage to perform for the first time ever at our elementary talent show, you were always there.

And I guess I just wish I were there for you the way you were for us.