poetry

i’m not sure where i’m meant to be

but darling he loved me when no one else could
when you were back home
holding back her fists at parties in the woods
he fell asleep in my creations

 

and haven’t i told you?

you pulled the double shot

i wouldn’t quite call it

“kicking me while i’m down”

it was more like

the way you lose you heartbeat

after your lungs give out

 

i saw it coming

but it all feels the same in the end

you believe in everything but me

 

-and it sucks because we used to roll together so closely and now it’s normal to never see either of you-

 

i miss you both

but on different levels

can you come back?

fuck we used to be such rebels

smoking CC’s in your sebring

felt like a felony

but eventually you’d smoke

mid-mental breakdown on my balcony

do you remember me?

do you remember what we used to be?

please don’t lie to me

even if it’s common courtesy

sorry, i’ll just let it be

stay far away from me

 

next chapter

 

Another beginning without you

 

I’m getting good at this

 

I’m starting to learn important things

 

Like trust no one

 

Because every being is selfish

 

And now I’m here

 

Starting over yet again

 

Breathe in breathe out

 

Let the good things roll in

 

 

I see your slips

 

Are you hearing my voice at night?

 

Am I reminding you that you made this choice?

 

Sadly this all your doing

 

And I’ll admit I didn’t think I’d feel you again

 

But I see you slips

 

And I screenshot them as keepsakes

 

Of what could have been

 

 

 

To say I’m happy now

 

Well, it’s a broad statement

 

I see you’re trying darling

 

I appreciate the efforts

 

But I don’t feel that lighted wire that used to wrap us

 

I can’t find that drive we once had

 

Maybe you need a license

 

Or maybe I need to take the train home

 

do i look like a fool?

 

right now we are happy, we are feeling

content

but i can’t help but notice the fear in your eyes,

consequence

i am the calmest near water, please keep me

safe

but will my love for the waves find us in a different

place?

i don’t want space

i don’t want time

all i got is you

and this thing on my mind

 

“one day it’s gonna be not like this”

 

do you have what it takes to stay?

or will me and you go our separate ways?

 

i pray
you stay
don’t leave
i need you
always

i miss the green

 

your blade is so fucking sharp

 

all the others can cry all day to me

 

but you show up in a dream

 

and I’m stuck

 

it was always supposed to be you and me

when I kissed you I knew that much for sure

 

but you always felt so far

 

and all I ever wanted to know

 

is if you felt the same

 

You think you’re tough because you like your coffee black

 

But darling I was there when she broke your heart and she broke you apart

 

It was always me throwing myself in front of trains for the chance

 

At times I’d catch you slip and take advantage of your lips

 

I can’t fucking believe I let you walk away from that

 

I bet you’re enjoying the warm beach days and the warm beach babes

 

But baby I know you have sensitive skin

And I know you burn badly

 

and its about those moments

that you feel

full

and unstoppable

 

 

 

I felt that on that city balcony

 

I felt that when I watched his hands drive stick

 

I felt that with my feet in the ocean

 

Right now I just feel sick

 

I can’t help but think

 

I missed out on my first pick

 

c u soon

 

I can’t be in the same space as you for that long

 

You know why

 

Because you easily slip into my mind and I lose it

 

You know I don’t lie

 

An of course you love me more now, I do too

 

But this wasn’t a positive result of you

 

Darling you can’t stay here with me

You ruin this and throw me to sea

Time and time again

 

You’ve got a color in cheeks the resemble hope

But this time I’m not jumping off a cliff without a rope