writing – manda vi

find me alone at 2 am (and leave me alone)

Amanda Vi — Sat, 21 Mar 2020 15:48:54 +0000

you cried

when i talked to the sky

didn’t matter that

it wasn’t another guy

i had no one

you made sure

killing you

was my cure

i’ll lick the blood off my blade

no need to hide in dark and shade

they know

who you are

what you’ve done

They are quite aware

of the demon you’ve become

they say everyone deserves love

but i hope you get none

if there isn’t enough

But I guess different eyes see different things sometimes

Amanda Vi — Thu, 21 Mar 2019 18:00:16 +0000

but i guess different eyes see different things sometimes and you need a check up

Do you remember the waves and not caring as much?

You were always good at talking never taking a punch

Let’s fight it out because that’s the base on which I grew up

I have the best points but I still don’t feel like it’s enough

you say you heal when you hurt

Amanda Vi — Tue, 17 Jul 2018 18:00:33 +0000

You never bought the ring

You’re never listening

Tell me what you mean

When you’re rambling

I’ll be what you need

I’ll never let you down

Maybe I live for greed

Or I just live for now

silence

Amanda Vi — Sat, 30 Jun 2018 02:10:38 +0000

your weapon of choice

you don’t use your voice

what can words do for you?

was anything you said, true?

you always listened with your heart

but in the end its what drifted us apart

light all the candles

Amanda Vi — Fri, 09 Feb 2018 01:30:01 +0000

I guess you aren’t thinking of me

And that’s okay

Because I’m slowly starting to learn

that I shouldn’t stay

I need to close this chapter

We need an end

You always say you love me

But are you even my friend?

When you left it was real for me

Three years gone

But I moved I dyed my hair I changed

It didn’t feel wrong

But the only skeleton in my closet

Is you my dear

And I guess I should lock it

And look in the mirror

We kissed and killed each other love

You know that’s true

It’s time to breathe out the old

And breathe in the new

enjoy where you are now

Amanda Vi — Mon, 04 Dec 2017 19:49:09 +0000

“Just enjoy where you are now

I know its hard but my dear you need to put the space between where you are and where you want to be encourage you and not keep you up at night

Because not only are there bags under your eyes but I can hear the desperation for power in your tone

In time you will be what you were meant to be

But please love

Sleep

And enjoy where you are now”

L.V

You’re Ever Gone

Amanda Vi — Sun, 03 Dec 2017 19:00:08 +0000

Said is dead

You said you loved me

I said I’d never let you down

But here we are

(maybe said really is dead)

There was this night in Edmonton that I felt so heavy without you I decided to smoke until my lungs were full with enough clouds to lift me from that balcony that we used to cry on together. After 3 joints I forgot my name, but I still remembered yours.

–

His fingers traced my right collar bone

Am I scared

Am I okay

I still feel you on that couch

And it’s been empty ever since

i don’t think you were losing the game of life

Amanda Vi — Sat, 02 Dec 2017 19:00:37 +0000

Tristan was problematic to our group from the very beginning. He was the rich kid with the newest iPod, always had the cool ‘zippo’ binders you could draw on, the huge mansion, all the perks in life that Jace and I could only dream of. But we were young kids when we met, you know, when money doesn’t really matter much.

Fuck, I don’t know if you remember this but I hope you do.

It was Jace’s 9th birthday party. We all went to his dad’s house and hung out in the basement all day while his dad told us crazy rock star stories from his old band days. I’m pretty sure Jace’s dad even showed us his belly button piercing that day, we were not impressed. We ate a huge guitar cake that Jace’s mom had spent the day making. Anyways, I don’t remember at all what I bought Jace for his birthday, but I remember what you got him.

The Game of Life: Toy Story Edition.

I made that it’s own paragraph to let you all know the importance of this board game in our lives. We played that board game non-stop for a year and a lot happened that year. That board game got us through my first year at the Christian school, away from them and my other friends. That game got Jace through his parent’s divorce, which we all knew would not end well. And Tristan? That’s the thing about him; I don’t remember Tristan’s hurdles as a young kid like us. It was when we got older that his demons came to play.

So I hope you know that when I think of you I don’t think of you as the guy who hasn’t slept in weeks, smoking his 30th cigarette on my balcony, telling me he needs time on his own to think. I think of you as the guy who always helped everyone with their hurdles. Whether it was playing a stupid board game for the 50th time, or helping me with math homework that would give me panic attacks, or making Jace get on stage to perform for the first time ever at our elementary talent show, you were always there.

And I guess I just wish I were there for you the way you were for us.

take a knee*

Amanda Vi — Tue, 26 Sep 2017 18:15:53 +0000

The space between who I am and who I want to be

Is so vast

So confusing

The reflection in mind consumes me

My attention is not what you see

I’m sorry

keep trying

Amanda Vi — Sat, 16 Sep 2017 03:09:09 +0000

I know my words my sting

They may stay lingering

But please know

At the start

You were my

heart